Make A Living

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First of all, Switchfoot's new album is up on First Play on itunes... So that's pretty much all I've been listening to for the past 3 days... I can't believe I haven't really posted any of their music before, but I discovered them freshman year of highschool, and then I began blogging senior year, and I had been busy discovering indie music. 

Second, here something I read this morning, written by the lead singer (and my foremost father figure).

You want to know the meaning of life? This is your highest calling: You are called into the dynamic co-creation of the cosmos. This breath is your canvas and your brush. These are the raw materials for your art, for the life you are making. Nothing is off limits. Your backyard, your piano, your paintbrush, your conversation, Rwanda, New Orleans, Iraq, your marriage, your soul. You’re making a living with every step you take. So when you make a living, do not merely make money. Why settle for cash when joy is on the line? You feel a thrill when you dance, when you sing, when you finish your poem; even when you sweep the room you see order pressing back against the chaos. So when you create, never settle for making a living — at least not the way that the world might define that phrase. When you make a living, you are speaking a new world into existence. You are creating grace within the confines, you are co-signing God’s blank checks
- Jon Foreman

So, I'm off to make my living today! 

I Could Break Your Heart

Cold and icy
Over the phone
His soul is a blank stare
The wind can't blow

I could break your heart
I'd break it fast
But I won't cause I don't want to
I want your heart to last
for me

Selfish and cruel are you
I'd break you if I wanted to
Selfish and cruel are we
But I wouldn't cry tears
I didn't want you to see.

Funny thing,
How I don't care.
Who really holds the strings my dear?
My heart is an island
You think you have reached,
You said it right,
My walls can't be breached.

Its you whose really under a spell,
Because I don't care for you as well
As you think that I do,
I'm a cruel person too.
But I'm learning to love,
Which is more than I can say
For you, my dove.

When It Doesn't Fit

Too many things have happened from Thanksgiving to Christmas. I have decided that I won't let my mouth run here. I think there is a balance of sharing your heart with the world. But I will say that I have gained friends and lost them so fast my head was spinning for days. Our cat, Richie, died. Tears were shed. Things were torn apart. This was the first Christmas when everything really fell apart. I guess you would call it my first bad Christmas. But, this blog is all about firsts right now.

Maybe you've had holidays like that. Or maybe every holiday has been that way. I am sorry. I know that words really don't mean much when your heart is breaking, but I understand that pain on a deeper level than before. I know how it feels to simply want things to work, but everything is broken, and no matter how hard you try, things simply won't fit. The highs and lows are horrible. The light that serves everyone else around you only serves as a measure to the darkness inside your heart.

But despite all of that, I am ok. I used to set such store by holidays. I idolized getting the family together, and having everything be just so. But in this world you will have trouble, and the tighter you hold onto things, the faster you lose them. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm learning to live my life with open hands, saying, "God, put in and take out whatever you want." That is hard for a control freak like me. But the grass withers and the flowers fade. If I try to hold on, I am merely trying to grasp at the impossible. Nothing is sound.