May The Noise of Children Never Cease

Because I am the oldest of four children, and my mother has been chronically ill for nearly 16 years, I have pretty much raised my two youngest siblings. I moved away from my family for about 9 months, and felt like an empty nester... Now, I find myself back with my family, and this time someone, my youngest sister, is leaving me... I am incredibly proud of her, but I hate the change and the emotions that it brings...

Growing up and moving on in life is very bittersweet. Good things and bad things come and go, changing the scenery of your life. You can feel alone and quiet and distant, or you can choose to remember the beautiful things you had, and know that the best, permanant things are to come in heaven.

This poem is dedicated to my sibling "children," to parents, teachers, and to anyone who loves the children in their life.

-

May the noise of children never cease,
May it go on, may it ever increase.
Let your little ones shout and play,
For it won't always be that way.
.
Let your children know you care,
Let them know you saw them there.
Teach them how to understand,
How to love their fellow man.

Revel in the little things.
Celebrate bugs and butterfly wings.
Let them know that life is hard.
Tell them you will not be far.

And when your curtain call is close,
Let them know they meant the most.
Cherish their sounds, their laugh, their voice,
For life is in your children's noise.

I Hold My Breath Too Long

I sit there in silence.
The clock ticks.
Eyes seem to watch me from everywhere,
From the closet,
From the folds of my sleeves,
From the face of the screens.

I hide from my own hands.
I hate the sound of my own breath going into my lungs.
So I hold my breath...

And the worry begins to build... I can't breath, I can't breath... my mind begins to race... I can't stop thinking, I can't stop thinking! Everything is rushed and pointed, like a arrow into my throat, into my ears, my eyes, the point between my shoulder and my chest-plate... I hate the sound of everything...

Responsibility! Responsibility! I can hear the ball and chain being ready to put it's shackle on me... Everyone is depending on you... it whispers as it scrapes the ground... I fill my mouth with whatever I can fit inside, trying to eat up the noise, the room itself, my thoughts my feelings, trying to make myself big enough to fit my problems inside, but its no use... I am trying to drink up the river that carved the Grand Canyon, and it is pointless... I stand on shaky feet. This will not kill me...

And all of a sudden, I realize... I was not breathing...
Slowly, I fill my lungs with air.
Do not steady me!
I must breath for myself!
I cry myself to sleep.
I am foolish.

I hold my breath too long.

That Thing (In My Head)

That thing in my head
Exactly measured

Prescribing precision
Like a knife.

Cutting through my thoughts
Barely causing pain.

Blood being civilized
With rubberized gloves.

I will think before I act.
I will dissect every angle.

Feelings must be processed
Effective, like a machine.

Is not a feeling only a set of chemical chain reactions?
Can I not override that which I do not wish to emote?

Can I not turn my heart into a machine?
Can I not rewire a metallic mind?

That Thing (In my Chest...)

That thing in my ribcage
That wild piece of flesh
Which wages war with my blood

That hollow in my chest
That void in my stomach
Creating chaos I cannot control

That weary look of mine
That urge to risk it all
Gone is my sanity into the night

A Little at a Time

I am building myself
a little at a time.
Each moment well spent
marks my improvement.
Learning to work
In bits and doses.
Learning when it is best
to rest and play.
For I haven't got much time,
This I know is true,
But if I manage what I have
I will leave behind a legacy.

So Many Thoughts...

I think I think too many thoughts
My mind is full of endless things.
Just carrying this mind of mine
Becomes a weight too tiring...

The immensity, the great expanse
of my internal mental caves,
Will proliferate plenty adventures
in life, from cradle unto grave...

I was born busy in this world
The aspiring attic of my head.
Perchance you should stumble inside
Perhaps you could see what I've said...

But there is only me to know these thoughts,
And only a few years to live.
There are so many diamonds in my dirt
So many thoughts to sift...

I'll Rise Again Tomorrow

Brave little phoenix,
Don't you remember being burned to nothing but ashes?
"Of course I do," the phoenix replies,

"And I shall die another day, but I'll rise again tomorrow."

Deeper Still

Emotions run deep,
But your word runs deeper still.

Some things I cannot keep
But your truth will always fill.

Silence may scream
But your voice surrounds me.

Because however deep my troubled waters run,
Your peace runs deeper still.

Ghouveture:

GHOUVETURE -
adjective; a persistent re-emergence of thought-to-be-dead emotions, marked by a newfound life now attached to a more deeply dead emotion. The eerie afterlife of a love which almost was, or never could be. A bittersweet emotion of melancholy appreciation of love in any form. The sadness of being in love with ghosts which are not able to stay in solid form. The distinct feeling of reaching out for that which truly does not exist, yet insists on existing as a memory, only to be met time after time by a brief, sweeping sorrow. The act of trying to embrace an apparition. Finding deluded delight in lingering over the graves of ghosts which one has attempted to bury. The sound of wind chimes being blown by a breathy, almost-cold breeze, alongside the salt smell of ocean spray. Hearing the child which you never bore cry out for you to hold them, and feeling the hand of your never-was beloved brush against yours in the twilight.

There is Less Blood in my Love Now...

There is less blood in my love now.
I can sense it.
It's tired, and old, and terribly cold.
It's still there, but its thin and weak.
It isn't that it doesn't try,
but like the whispery skin of one who has aged
It simply can no longer endure...
The last tear has fallen,
The last drop of blood has spilled...
I have nothing left...
All is ghostly...
It is closing it's eyes, perhaps for the last time...
It's sad, but almost sweet to see it go...
It was so fragile, so weary...
There, there, let it all fall away...
Be at peace,

With blood no more...

Full

What is my reason for being this way?
What is it inside me that cannot behave?
I am hungry like a lion, dying to be full
But appeasing the craving never fills up the hole

I reach for another
I reach for more
As I have reached out
So many times before
My body is ever an open door

But I only regret the things I have done
I shudder to see myself in the sun
I want to run away from everyone
Feeling there are no more good things to come

I sit in the silence avoiding my head
Running away from things I have said
Avoiding the sleepless turning in bed
Evading the sadness of life and death

Perhaps one of the reasons I must stay full
Is that my senses can then become numb and dull
I cannot feel sorrow, I cannot feel pain
I cannot feel broken, I cannot feel shame
I cannot feel want or fear or neglect
I can only feel full, and feel out of breath

Why Not?

Why not?
Why don't you just do it?
Why don't you just try?

I'm caught.
Like a fish in the net.
But... what if I die? 

What gives?
What's stopping you?
What's holding you back?

Unhinged,
Faced with the truth.
I fear what I lack. 

Go for the gold!
Get creative!
Give yourself the freedom to chase success!

I will be bold.
Contemplative.
Until I have made it I will not rest.

White Keds on Black Pavement

Life is white keds on black pavement
That fight to keep them clean
Among dust and debris
Keeping off the stains
and remains of the day
By wiping them clean
and putting them away.
One mark may be sufficient
to discourage their owner.
What's the use?
They say
The shoes will only
Get dirty again!
But the one who is dedicated,
Will have a clean sole,
Solely because of the way
They control
the mess,
daily erasing the grime
from the
canvas.

Fly on the Wall

Sometimes, it seems as though all my hard work goes unseen. All my observations seem to vanish into the nevermore, though I try and try to write them down. But then, I remember I was made this way. I was made to go unseen, all the while gathering my treasure trove of human experience, characters, and stories. And I remember that those who have noticed me have usually wanted to consume me, just like a spider and a fly. The beauty of being a fly on the wall is its incognito nature. So I will not beg for attention. I will remember who I am, and watch, and listen...

I can fly
But I am small 
I am the fly upon the wall 

I have perspective 
But I am little 
Many voices make me quiver

I wash my hands 
to make them clean 
But the washing's never seen

I see things
Others cannot 
But my voice is soon forgot

I was made 
to be this way 
To always move and never stay 

I fight storms
Across the seas
But should nobody notice me

I will rejoice
And recall why; 
For only the spider takes note of the fly

Sometimes - A Poem of Grief

Sometimes
There is nothing to do
But cry

Sometimes
I stop and I just wonder
Why?

Sometimes
I sit wide awake
and I weep

Sometimes
All I can think to do
Is sleep

Sometimes
I scream so soft
No one hears me

Sometimes
Silence rings too loud
Too clearly

Sometimes
I think of you, just you
and smile

Sometimes
The pain is worth it
For awhile

Sometimes
I wish we could all
Be alone

Sometimes
I ache for the place we
Called home

Just sometimes...

            But then there are times...

Sometimes...

Simple and Free by B.B. Hatt

Simple things are often taken for granted, like the fact that we will lose the beauty of Pen and paper, the elemental and the wild. They say its all for progress, but I know their game, I know what they're after. They're after my humanity, and I will not surrender.

Afraid to Say It

Everybody feels it,
The tension that walks in the room
Like another person,
an Entity, a Thing.
We all sense it,
But we are too afraid to say it.

We can't speak
Or we won't speak,
Either way, its just as bad.
Generations go by,
and old ideas are passed off
and repackaged,
the ones that are designated
"Safe to open" by our predecessors.

But I want to live dangerously,
even Defiantly.
I will not speak merely about 
what others have deemed "safe."
For what is safe anyway?
At any moment, the molecules of my body
might give way to some galactic infrastructure
Collapsing under the very weight of my existence

Don't you see? No one is safe.
So why should I pretend?

I have seen the way our faces light up,
the way they fade,
what makes them darken, harden,
I've seen what makes us bleed.
I've seen the things that make us laugh,
Smile, blush, even love,
and yet no one talks about them.

Its as though all the great secrets of the universe
are the ones we long to Discover,
and finally find in some dusty corner of the attics of our minds,
But having been told that we alone have found them,
we all waltz by them,
Barely lingering over the things of true Importance,
and Immersing ourselves
in the pretense of the day.

I protest.
You might as well lock me up,
For I am not Afraid to Say It.

Be The Hero. Be Brave.

Be brave. 

Give out the love when there is no return. 

Don't hold out for your fair share, 

because you don't want what you actually deserve.

Learn to be wise; learn when to walk away. 

Learn to be wise; learn to know when to stay. 

Instead of longing for hugs, give them. 

Instead of waiting for an encouraging word, 

brighten someone else's day from the bottom of your heart. 

Be genuine and caring in a cold and cruel world. 

Be the person you once looked up to. 

Love is a learned skill, pass it along. 

Be the hero. 

Be brave. 

I Refuse to Break

Bullets are flying
I'm slowly dying
The things that I want so much
Are the things I can never touch

But I will never break
I've taken what I thought
I could not take
Every time you do me wrong
I just end up getting strong

I refuse to break
I simply refuse to break
Though my heart
Was made of glass
I'm pullin' pieces
From the trash
and I am melting them down
To a substance that astounds
I will amaze myself with what I take
Shoot at me, honey
I don't break

Keep on firing
My will is untiring
My blood is gushing out
Wounds made by your mouth

But I can't ever break
Because I promised that
I would plant my stake
I know you're in the wrong
But I'll be strong

You Do You

Wake up in the morning
and just do you
Just do what you
are supposed to do.

Live in your own space
and make it clean
Be the best you
that you can be

Don't pester or pick
at your sister and brother
just judge the mirror
and love all the others

If you will do you
and I maintain me
the world will draw closer
to the way things should be