Redefining Your Space

Organization is one of those things that I absolutely love... yet hate...

I am an absolute perfectionist, and when it comes to organizing, there are just so many great ways to organize, I can never find one I like the best!

When it comes to blogging, there are some things I have learned that I feel will be useful in this next phase...

1) People don't really care all that much about your life. They want to know how it relates to them. They want to know that you, as a writer, can identify with them! You are there to somehow improve their lives.

2) Don't go on, and on, and on. No one cares that much, nor do people have an exorbitant amount of time to read your gibberish.

3) Keep things professional... most of the time. It's nice to hear some personal things, especially when you are a growing person and you just what to know how the heck people make it out there in that big, bad world...

4) Be honest. Yes, be very honest. People want to know what life is REALLY like, not what its "post" to look like.

This is a place that I have carved my name into, and like it or not, its mine. Its real, its raw, its authentic, and should some young people stumble across it, I hope they read it as I read other's writings when I was young and find some encouragement. I also love the fact that my history is being documented, the good, the bad and the ugly. I also keep a journal, but this blog forces me to write in such a way that I am thinking about others reading it, which forces me to write with a better voice, and makes me try to capture life in a deeper way.

This is me, this is all of me, and I'm proud of what I'm slowly becoming. I am so excited for this new year, and I hope whoever finds this little corner of the web is happy too.

Love to all,
ashley

For the Kids Who Hurt Tonight...

For all my babies out there who are really, truly hurting, I'm so sorry that I get so caught up in my own little world. I feel you. God feels you. We'll cry with you. He won't let us go...

A Note of Encouragement

It light of my last post, I just wanted to give you a little encouragement... 

You may be powerless to change many things, but remember the things you can control: 

- Your attitude

How you choose feel about something can litterally change the situation. If you are negative, negativity will follow. Don't self-fufill negativity. Choose to rise above the situation, and make things better.

- Your style

Wear those pumps. Put on those cute pjs. Wear the wristband. Put on the extra eye makeup. Put the flower in your hair (or if your a guy, do all the manly versions of these things). Especially on the bad days. Choose to radiate beauty and joy.

- Your mouth

Smiling, even through tears, laughing amidst pain, it does make things better. "Smile, though your heart is aching, smile though your heart is breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by" - Michael Jackson

- Your inner life

Dwell on those positive ideas that will make things better, those small things that will make people smile, those baby steps in the right direction. Don't stop growing, just keep going. 

Stop Waiting For the Big Moment

Stop waiting for the big moment.
It will never come.

You will never feel like getting out of bed and tackling the day on hundred percent of the time. Rise and seize the day regardless of your emotion.

You will not always want to be wise with your money, your time, your body or your brain. Resist the urge to self-destruct.

There is never a perfect time to start a project. Start them anyway. Nothing that is finished will ever be perfect. Finish things without thought of their perfection.

Don't wait until the time is right to do things. Just be a person who always does things.

Accept life's challenges with grace, dignity, and faith. Don't wait for handouts or embrace entitlement.

Stop waiting for the moment when you will feel like an adult. It will never happen. If you feel ill-prepared, seek the knowledge of those who have gone before you. Get your hands beautifully dirty by living life. Don't settle for distant, dusty knowledge, get to know things up close, personally and practically.

Don't fear losing your life. Fear losing the game of life. For that is what life is, a game. The moment you were born, the difficulty level was set, your tools were handed to you, and the universe couldn't wait until you awakened to your consciousness and embraced the meaning of life.

And what is the meaning of life? It is not how much you can gather for yourself, or how much you can take, but rather how much you can create and give away. That is to reflect the image of God, to be like our father who pulled from the depths of himself at great personal cost to give us life and love. That is why creativity is so vitally important. The moment we stop creating, we start stealing and we lose the point of life. How many people have gaping wounds from stolen childhoods, stolen marriages, stolen kisses, stolen innocence. Be one who creates, who needs no one but God and their own soul to create something beautiful and then give it away.

Don't wait one more day to start living. Life never gets easier, just different. Face the challenges, prepare for them and surmount them. Don't forget that the idea that life will come crashing in with huge waves of importance is largely untrue. Life is the daily drip, the leaky roof, the little raindrops that eventually flood your existence. It is easy to see a wave coming. It's easy to ignore a drip.

Stop waiting for something to come to you. Go towards the thing itself. If you wait, it will never come.

Be The Hero. Be Brave.

Be brave. 

Give out the love when there is no return. 

Don't hold out for your fair share, 

because you don't want what you actually deserve.

Learn to be wise; learn when to walk away. 

Learn to be wise; learn to know when to stay. 

Instead of longing for hugs, give them. 

Instead of waiting for an encouraging word, 

brighten someone else's day from the bottom of your heart. 

Be genuine and caring in a cold and cruel world. 

Be the person you once looked up to. 

Love is a learned skill, pass it along. 

Be the hero. 

Be brave. 

Weigh In Wednesday #5

So, since I missed Motivational Monday, I promised myself I can't let myself miss Weigh In Wednesday!

I didn't do so hot with my goals today... Maybe it was the three protein bars, or the five squares of chocolate that did it, but I was sure thrown off!

Currently, I am holding a weight of 124lbs, and want to be down to 120 by next Monday. Monday and Tuesday of this week were great liquid flush days, so I just need to climb back on the horse tomorrow and start over =)

BTW, stay tuned for my vlog, the first video of which I hope to put out tomorrow! I'm quite excited about it. I've been avoiding this blog and my video channel for some time, but I'm ready now, failure of a person that I am, to face the world with my many quirks and document this crazy, mundane, and somehow interesting life of mine.

Love to all,
ashley

Weigh In Wednesday #4

Ah ha! Thought I was going to miss this week too didn't you! Well, here I am. All 129 lbs of me. 

So how's it been going? 

Terrible... The thought of not eating scares me. So I eat. COMPULSIVELY. But that's ok. I can jump back on this bandwagon. 

I have to lose 4 lbs by the end of the week to accomplish my goal. Doable. Done. 

Tomorrow is Thursday... Can't wait to share some thoughts from this interesting week!

Weigh In Wednesday #3

Physically 

Good morning world, its weigh in time! I am currently... 129lbs, which means I've kept my two pound per week goal. Now its two pounds for the next week! I think what has really helped this week has been admitting to myself that I am a cheat, and I no longer want to be a cheater. I want to excel and not cheat on anyone, especially myself. I am responsible for the girl in the mirror, and I am not going to let her down. I want to take control of my body and not let it be run over by bad bacteria and unwanted fat. I want to be clean, inside and out.

I have also enlisted the help of an accountability buddy (thank you Felicia). Every day, I must report on what foods and what amounts I have eaten, plus report anything I cheated on. Its been helping, let me tell you! If you feel like you're not strong enough to do something, ask a friend to poke you in the ribs.

Mentally 

Had a marvelous Monday, and a terrible Tuesday, mainly because I didn't take as many meds on Tuesday as I should have. Medication is so important... Please, everyone who has a form of mental chemical imbalance, take your pills for the good of society. I was the lead teacher at my Summer Camp yesterday... I just get so nervous sometimes, that it doesn't matter how much I've planned or studied, I simply feel like my voice evaporates into the universe when I speak. I think its because I don't believe in myself as a teacher anymore, and that is something that kids really sense. If you are thinking "I don't know if you should listen to me," they will seize on that thought and run with it. Today will be a better day. I believe that I can be a good teacher, I will connect with my students, and we are going to have insane fun. I realized yesterday that sometimes I'm so determined to do things perfectly, that I start focusing on the agenda over the people that the agenda is intended for. Not good. God, help me fix it! 

Compulsive actions have been less this week. I've really been trying to face reality and live in the now, and to watch compulsive or obsessive thinking. I am still really hurt by friends from the past few months, but I know they can't help it right now, and that I greatly contributed to my own pain. I need wisdom on how to set things right with them.

I have been trying to throw myself into goals and work that are productive and creative to keep myself busy. I am excited for the school year to start! I decided not to take a math class right away since I might test out of it if I study hard, so I am going to block out time to really study math hard and then I will start class in the Winter!

How are you doing on your goals? Keep track of yourself and let me know how you're coming along! 

Weigh In Wednesday #2

Physically 

Alright, accountability time! Today I weigh... (runs to the bathroom to step on the scale) 131 lbs. Not what I was hoping for. I think that's honestly been my problem. I've been sort of mindless this week, just hoping that I would lose weight by Wednesday... not the way to achieve a goal. 

If I really want to lose this weight (and I do), I have to be purposeful. To be more focused, I am going to write and report my food allotment and workout success each day to a friend. If I cheat, even if its a tiny amount, I must confess... Nobody cheats like I do, ugh... 

I've been less faithful in my work outs too, so I am going to say I have to do a 30 min run each day (this was really helping), and 30 min of Tracy Anderson everyday. I will only take a break on Sunday. If I can do extra movement through dance/choreography, I will, but I am not going to commit to it because a 1 hour workout is an achievable goal, and I don't want to shoot myself in the foot. 

Mentally 

Honestly, I think I've let myself go a little this week. I've stayed up later than I committed to (my wind down time is from 7:45 to 8:30, and I want to be in bed reading by 8:30). I have also allowed myself to be OCD on the computer late at night, and have been compulsively thinking about things from this past year, especially the friends I left behind (one guy in particular). In order to be healthy, I can't allow myself to slip into obsessive/over-emotional thinking because it will only push me into a manic mode. I am going to commit, no matter how hard to not be obsessive in my thinking and to frisk all my thoughts at the door of my mind. Instead of getting obsessive over destructive issues, I am going to put my energy/thinking towards creative/constructive activities such as: 

- Developing current relationships with family  

- Preparing for school 

- Creating more income

- Writing

- Cooking

- Choreographing 

These goals are listed in order of importance so that I won't become distracted by easier or "more fun" tasks throughout the week. 

Thank you to Jesus Christ who is able to make me sane, give me self-control, help me to do the impossible, and give me a new heart every day! I cannot do it without Him. 

How are you doing on your goals? Have you taken time to think about them this week? We can get stuff done, we really can! 

Just How Much CAN You Juggle?

You've probably heard that its a good idea to write out goals because it helps you visualize them and begin to pursue them. This is absolutely true. However, when I write out my goals, I usually end up feeling even more overwhelmed at the amount of goals that I have. As I sat at my favorite coffee shoppe the other day, I scribbled down some goals in a bullet pointed list. I realized something magical. One goal wasn't enough; I can do more than that. Two, and I still wasn't satisfied. Three was fine. Four on the paper was just too much. Anxiety started to swell as I saw that fourth goal float onto the page. Then it dawned on me. My brain can manage three things at a time.

The picture I got was a juggler. One ball and your not juggling anything. Two, and your just passing back and forth. Three, and you're proficiently juggling. Four, and things are getting unnecessarily tough. I started consolidating my goals, journals, and emails using this magic rule of three, and I was amazed at what a rush of energy I got! I felt so confident, and sure of myself because I felt far more focused and less scattered.

Here are the practical ways I am now using my Rule of Three

1) I have a three fold focus - At the moment, I write. I dance. I cook. Each of the goals contain expanded goals that I don't need to dwell on, but will be accomplished if I use the three fold focus. I can be writing for my blog/book/school. If I am dancing, I can teach dance/be fit/workout/stay healthy. If I cook I am taking care of my body/being creative/staying healthy/taking care of my family. If I were to write out all those goals, I would be easily overwhelmed, but with a three fold focus, I feel like I can accomplish my goals. If something else comes up, and it doesn't fit into one of these categories, I must drop something so that I am

2) Keep only three journals - Surprise, surprise, I have tried to keep more than three journals at a time. Right now, I have one big planner for all important dates, one for daily notes, verses, ideas, and one small one for to-do's and shopping. However you keep track of yourself, phone, notes, etc. keep the trackers limited or else you become scattered!

3) Simplify and Consolidate Yourself- Learning how to brand yourself with authenticity and humility is huge if you are going to add to your community, regardless of what you do. Know who you are; simplify yourself. Get rid of extra emails/blogs/social media/usernames/pictures that you don't need anymore. Create and sell yourself! What do you stand for, what do you want out of life, and how are you going to chase after it? Oh, there's the three-fold focus again!

Whether you use this rule of three, or come up with your own brilliant system for managing yourself, I would encourage you to really focus your life. Get rid of all the excess, and starting honing in on the few things you really love so that you begin to accomplish those goals that seem just beyond your grasp. You can do it, you really can!

For more productivity tips read this article! -
11 Differences Between Busy & Productive People

Upcoming Fall 2015 Schedule

In light of some recent discoveries about blogging, I am going to try and step up things on this here blog for good. I've kept it struggling along for almost five years now, and I think that TABOT deserves a real makeover. So, for the upcoming Fall, my focus is going to be on "Better Thyself." We are going to tackle some deep, personal issues, cut the fat off, make this blog (and my brain) less spammy and more focused. Here is the upcoming schedule:

Motivational Monday - Just a little something to get the week started

Typist Tuesday - A writing focused article of mine or another writer

Weigh in Wednesday - Keeping track of calories and lifestyle habits

Thoughts for Thursday - Meaningful musings on life

Fashion Friday - A simple snapshot of some great fashion/decorating tip

Super excited! Here's to keeping TABOT going strong and better than ever before! 

- ashley 

Self Challenge #1 - Lose 25 lbs by Oct 15th

Dear self, 

I challenge you to a duel. 

Lets see who survives

The body

Or my will. 

I am very excited about this. I am not going to try to lose a TON of weight ALL AT ONCE like I used to. Here are my simple goals towards weight loss.

1) Take my supplements everyday. I will share these with you later

2) Do a Tracy Anderson Metamorphosis workout everyday along with 30 min of cardio (dance/run)

3) Consume fewer calories than I burn. Goaled at 800 calories per day. 

4) Make sure to treat myself on weekends

5) Lose 2 lbs per week to attain my goal!

Start weight as of 7.22.15 (last Wednesday) 135

Weigh in today (Wednesday): 133

On my way there! =)