Insomniac Deals With Mornings = Blah...

For the past week or so, I have been having a terrible time getting up in the morning. Normally, I'm bad enough in the morning with my groggy eyes that are as blind as a bats and the freezing air ready to nip at my cold-blooded skin the moment I get out of bed doesn't encourage me. But lately I CAN'T get going! It probably has something to do with the fact that I suffer from insomnia and have decided to enjoy my condition by staying up late and thinking. I figure "if I'm going to be forced to stay awake, I should just enjoy this time and not TRY to fall asleep. I think there is nothing worse than TRYING to fall asleep... I can't wait until Heaven where there will be no sleeping or eating or drinking or anything that you have to do to survive. I mean think about it, if we didn't have to eat, we could in theory just sit and think for years without any disturbance of having to try to survive. Trying to survive is so very... vexing... It wastes time. Sleep wastes time. Don't get me wrong, my favorite part of the week is Saturday mornings when I wake up late and just lie comfortably in bed, but thats not really sleeping, thats resting. You can't enjoy sleep because you are too busy running around in your dreams and you hardly ever have an idea that you are sleeping, so you might as well be REALLY awake in this reality where you can get some work done! Anywho, I've been barely rolling out of bed at 6:00.. and I have to be out the door by 7:17... and I stand around for just a few minutes and suddenly... I HAVE ONLY TEN MINUTES TO GET READY! I don't know what happens to hours in the mornings. I swear that the clock plays tricks on you... I've come to school a bit late a couple days last week and I just skipped French on Friday because all we do is sit and read our books and I wasn't feeling well, so I just turned in a note when I got to school. I know its silly, but I felt empowered having time in the morning. I love mornings, when I can get up when there is light outside and have PLENTY of time to wake up (I'm like a school computer, I take awhile to get off and running). I also like to SEE the morning, but I can't ever see the morning when I'm holed up in a building. Ah well, hopefully I will have years of mornings where I can just sit and watch the sun come up and then around 10:00 be fully awake! So, heres to those who, like me, love mornings but have trouble getting up; In Heaven there will be no sleep to fall into or crawl out of... hallelujah!

By the way, this was posted late at night. I may regret it in the morning.
Cheers!

A Study in Black and White

Fairy Hands

For my dear Mamma, who really does have fairy hands... I only hope mine will someday make it all up to her... For those who don't know, my mom has struggled with a chronic illness for 10 years now. She is one of the bravest people I know; she faces Sir Pain everyday...

She never rested

She flit like fire on the grate

She was impatient

Like she could never wait

She barely breathed

She flew from place to place

Now we only see the

painful constellation on her face

Oh where am I she cries

The fairy cries

I want to leave

Please let me die

But here she stays

And her grey blue eyes

Fight the desolation

But her fairy hands wish to fly

Somehow, our house was always bright

Like pixie dust brushed

It was a beautiful sight

Somehow we could see

just where she had been

But now she just stares

At her tiny fairy hands

Oh where am I she cries

The fairy cries

I want to leave

Please let me die

But here she stays

And her grey blue eyes

Fight the desolation

But her fairy hands wish to fly

I remember the day

When the sun shone bright

And I small and scared

Asked if she was alright

Her wings were tired

I can see it now

The embers stopped in her eyes

The Pain was making its vow

Oh where am I she cries

The fairy cries

I want to leave

Please let me die

But here she stays

And her grey blue eyes

Fight the desolation

But her fairy hands wish to fly

And now her fairy hands

Rest in her fairy lap

She just stares at the ceiling

Wishing time would go back

But the fairy fights

And death still bites

And now I look down and

I've got my own fairy hands