I Could Break Your Heart

Cold and icy
Over the phone
His soul is a blank stare
The wind can't blow

I could break your heart
I'd break it fast
But I won't cause I don't want to
I want your heart to last
for me

Selfish and cruel are you
I'd break you if I wanted to
Selfish and cruel are we
But I wouldn't cry tears
I didn't want you to see.

Funny thing,
How I don't care.
Who really holds the strings my dear?
My heart is an island
You think you have reached,
You said it right,
My walls can't be breached.

Its you whose really under a spell,
Because I don't care for you as well
As you think that I do,
I'm a cruel person too.
But I'm learning to love,
Which is more than I can say
For you, my dove.

When It Doesn't Fit

Too many things have happened from Thanksgiving to Christmas. I have decided that I won't let my mouth run here. I think there is a balance of sharing your heart with the world. But I will say that I have gained friends and lost them so fast my head was spinning for days. Our cat, Richie, died. Tears were shed. Things were torn apart. This was the first Christmas when everything really fell apart. I guess you would call it my first bad Christmas. But, this blog is all about firsts right now.

Maybe you've had holidays like that. Or maybe every holiday has been that way. I am sorry. I know that words really don't mean much when your heart is breaking, but I understand that pain on a deeper level than before. I know how it feels to simply want things to work, but everything is broken, and no matter how hard you try, things simply won't fit. The highs and lows are horrible. The light that serves everyone else around you only serves as a measure to the darkness inside your heart.

But despite all of that, I am ok. I used to set such store by holidays. I idolized getting the family together, and having everything be just so. But in this world you will have trouble, and the tighter you hold onto things, the faster you lose them. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm learning to live my life with open hands, saying, "God, put in and take out whatever you want." That is hard for a control freak like me. But the grass withers and the flowers fade. If I try to hold on, I am merely trying to grasp at the impossible. Nothing is sound.

Deflating the Elephant

Please. I have something on your mind.

Honestly, you have something on mine.
Don't, ever, lie to me.
Let your heart spill its contents,
The good, the bad, the ugly.
We talk in stages.
You and me,
We and you,
Us and I.
We talk until we are all talked out,
Not because we are tired of talking.
We could go on forever this way,
Going deeper and deeper,
Knowing more and more,
As we speak under the yellow lights,
With blankets, and a chill,
Among the buttons, and the disks.
We have deflated the elephant,
You and I.
The one that was crowding the room,
Making it hard to breathe.