Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!

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Lately, I've been focusing on my communication skills in everyday life. This is one thing they don't tell you in school kids, you REALLY need to be able to communicate successfully with other human beings...

I am so grateful to work at a community center that really hones in on training us how to be better communicators! We use a skill called, "Listen First" which is a package of skills that help us talk effectively to others, not so we can fill their heads with information, but so we can better listen, understand and help THEM unpack their problems, ideas, or plans. Here are some of the AWESOME tools we use...

1) Ask Open Ended Questions - These are questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Eg. "Did you have a good day at school today?" This question usually gets a mumbled "yeah" as a response. Try "What was the most interesting thing that happened at school today?" Draw the information out!

2) Reflect - Reflecting back to someone shows that you hear them. Don't just parrot back what someone is saying though, make it your own! Lets say someone was talking to you about walking their dog, "So you take them to the park every Saturday." It lets people know, I'm here in the moment with you!

3) Affirm - When someone is making a positive change or action, let them know you think that is awesome!! Tell them you are proud of them! Tell them they are making good steps towards their goal, encourage positive behavior!

4) Summarize - This is usually at the end of a conversation where you summarize all the things you talked about (or if you are enjoying a long conversation, you might do this when you hit the end of a segment in the conversation). You gather all the things someone talked to you about and let them know you got the big picture. "So it sounds like you really like taking your dog for a walk on Saturdays! You meet lots of new friends and your dog really enjoys it! That's great! I'm happy that you two have found something you enjoy together!" Then you could ask an open ended question (eg. "What else do you like doing on the weekend?") OR close the segment of the conversation.

5) Ask Permission - If someone comes to you with a problem and feels particularly stuck, don't be super anxious to fix all their problems. Remember this golden rule all empaths and problem solvers, YOU ARE HERE TO HELP NOT RESCUE! Helping people who want or need it is awesome. But try NOT to rescue people. Most people already know what they need to do, the answers are just locked up by fear, doubt, or another barrier. Do NOT make people dependent on you. You will not always be there. Make them strong so they can think for themselves! When you have a suggestion or something you want to share, ASK FIRST. They are a sacred being with their own mind. Try, "Do you mind if I share a suggestion, a piece of information, etc. with you?"

I've been noticing how much I just ASSUME things when I communicate with people. I may take on an attitude that says, "They are already going to shut me down, anyway..." so I become defensive, distant, or angry. We do this at work, and especially with family and friends who are close to us. In fact, I think the closer we are to someone, the more we assume we know precisely what is going on in their heads. This is NOT true! Human beings are in a constant state of change. They have picked up information, vibes, and other things from the day, week, month or year. You are NOT in their head.

So, be open, be honest, and VERBALIZE, VERBALIZE, VERBALIZE! Learn how others around you best communicate. Learn how to listen, and how to ask questions! Always be interested in others thoughts, and you might be surprised what you find...

Much love,
Ashley

The Girl In the Mirror

It was Sunday morning, and my best friend and I settled into our seats in the room of the kids church. We eagerly waited for our teacher to announce the surprise that was happening that morning...
A theater troupe was going to perform for us!

Excited, we saw some of the god and goddess-like "older kids" who were performing walk up and down the sides of the room, bustling to get the last things ready.

The play began. I have always been spellbound by live performances, even at the elementary level, I am always moved by people, especially humble people, putting themselves onto a stage and giving their energy to an audience.

During one particular scene, I sat on the edge of my seat... A mirror was rolled onto the stage, and clouds of dry ice billowed onto the stage. Then, in the mirror, appeared a girl with golden hair, a beautiful dress, and the most beautiful aura I had ever seen. She was pretty, but that wasn't the reason she caught my attention...

She was magic. She was kind. She was a queen.

In the play, she was the villain, but I leaned over to my friend and whispered, "I know she's not good in the play, but she HAS to be good in real life!"

And I thought to myself nine year old self, I want to be just like that when I get older...

To this day, I still think of the girl in the mirror when I think of who I want to be. You NEVER know just when or how you will make an impact on someone. Be strong, and brave, and beautiful not for yourself, but for others.

Perhaps someone will see the way you carry yourself with beauty and confidence, and if you smile at them you will give them confidence of their own. Someone a few steps behind you on the journey of life is always looking at you. May you be the one who inspires them to say, "I want to be just like that when I grow up..."

Much love,
Ashley

Where Are You Headed now, Ms. Ashley?

Hello all,

It's been such a long while since I've posted anything, but I wanted to let you all know that I'm not dead, and that I have been meaning to return to the blogosphere for some time now, I just wasn't quite sure what to say...

I've been going through so much these past couple years, and I feel at a loss to adequately share my thoughts and memories with you all. This blog is a sort of sacred place for me. Not very many people know about it, so I feel that I can truly share myself in a way that helps me get things off my chest, and forces me to record my history in an engaging way. I'm being my own therapist and practicing my craft at the same time! HAHA!

BUT... I've never really known what to share... I've followed lots of different blogs through the years, and I always loved the ones that shared deep, personal experiences. But that gets murky and scary when you are trying to lead a professional life online. I don't want to overshare, and yet I feel that my experiences could really help others.

All that to say, I think I've found my formula. My blog needs to be SNAPSHOTS of my life and thoughts. I also don't mind overlapping these snapshots through my art, my vlog, and my writing because it just deepens my experience with my thoughts. SO, if you follow all my various threads tat I put into the universe, you will probably think, "Hey, she already talked about this twice!" But that is ok ;)

This blog is going to be dedicated to my human experience while on this planet earth. It will be comprised of blog posts, photos, and poems that best describe what it was like to be alive during the years 1993-2070. I will share my strongest memories, the things that truly stand out to me, and life advice from myself and others who are alive at this time.

This is my story.
Much love,
Ashley