No. This was a spoonie two weeks.
Those who struggle with a chronic illness probably automatically know what I mean. But for the rest of my friends who are still healthy, wealthy, and wise, let me explain my latest demise...
Its pretty simple really, they call it the spoon theory. Lets say at the beginning of the day, I give you twelve spoons. For our intents and purposes, the spoons represent a measurement of energy output, twelve spoons being an approximate amount of energy for the average healthy person. For each thing you have to do today, you have to give me a spoon. You want to get out of bed? One spoon please. Take a shower and look presentable? That's a spoon. Go to work for eight hours, pay four spoons. You come home, and have six spoons left. Those are used for emails, a phone call, making dinner, talking to your family members, and getting ready for bed.
But lets say you wake up and I only give you six spoons. Once you get halfway through the day, no more spoons are left, you're already tired, and you can't get any spoons back. Unless you sleep. Maybe. If you try to run on fumes without any spoons, you are going to pay. You are in spoon debt. The next day, you will only have four spoons. The others have to be generated in sleep. But, your brain isn't working now because it its too tired to function properly. Your body hurts, and you can't go to sleep. You wake up with three spoons. Still tired? Oh, yeah, spoons are not guaranteed to roll over into the next day. Sorry. Slept for twelve hours and still feel tired? Try to write that email. Blank stare, huh? This is when your mind begins to melt, and taking a shower feels like kayaking Niagara falls. Just keeping your eyes open throughout the day is a success. And sleep? Oh, you crave it... You want to wake up rested so badly you can literally almost garner a sense of taste for sleep.
Imagine that you almost never have a twelve spoon day. Maybe you're lucky to have five or six. A bit depressing right? The good news is, I know a lot of health tips that help me along the way. I know I need a good thyroid medication, and the one I just got was clearly not sufficient judging by how much I needed to sleep these past couple weeks. I would literally come home from work at 7;30, crash on the couch, and wake up at 7:00 only to be just as tired at the night before. I also know that I pretty much can't eat anymore. If I do eat, it has to be superfood, clean organic eats, and green or mineral drinks. Man, I miss eating...
The other thing that really makes me down is that I can't run anymore, or work out as hard as I would like. My body is simply too weak. This, I DO NOT LIKE. I am one of those people who would probably (like Marathon) work out until I dropped dead. I love it that much. But no. I am confined in this body of mine. But that doesn't mean I can't work out. I just have to do little old lady work outs. Gosh, I almost want to cry. I wanted to be a professional ballerina or gymnast when I was little, and currently being a dance instructor, I want to push myself for my students. I will push myself though.
Maybe people will always think I am lame because of how incapable I seem. I can't put my leg over my head, I can't run miles, I can't lift weights, I can't do all the things I've always wanted to do, but I can keep moving, stay healthy, and encourage others to do so. And as for all the things I'm missing out on, sure I cry over them sometimes. I'll never just be able to eat out with young folks, or be that kickbutt instructor, or dance for hours on end. However, this life is so short, I'm just passing through. I'll collect hearts and set them free like stars, holding out in my soul for a clearer view.
Loves to all, and cheers to better weeks to come! If you are putting off doing something, do it now. Time is generous when you do not want him to be, and he never gives you back time he's already given away.
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